Langit

Langit, tidak akan selalunya cerah, hujan bisa datang bila-bila masa.
Siapa yang pernah bertanya hujan yang datang itu dari mana?

The Creator

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

This paper is nothing more than a burst of thought(s) that may or may not be correct in its entirety, but intended not more than to further understand the Almighty Creator and His creations in a more understandable manner, at least at a personal level. It shall NEVER be a medium of reference in any means under any circumstances whatsoever.

Surah Adh-Dhariyat 51:49

And all things We have created by pairs, that haply ye may reflect.

This particular ayat (sentence) is the catalyst that drives me to pen down my thoughts. May God guide my actions and thoughts from straying off the right path in this particular undertaking.

PREFACE

My approach is both religious and scientific for reasons that I believe every creation has a creator, and The Creator Himself stated in the Holy Quran many times about the importance of knowledge, and both religion and science are branches of knowledge. And the Holy Quran has been mathematically accurate, and proven scientifically correct time and again.

One of the current mainstream scientific ideas of how ‘this universe’ works is that everything in it is subjugated to the mathematical model that is the space-time continuum (STC).

In layman’s term Space is 3 dimensional (Length x Width x Height) and Time is 1-dimensional, therefore, Space-Time is 4 dimensional. Physicists now routinely consider our world to be embedded in this 4-dimensional Space-Time Continuum, and all events, places, moments in history, actions and so on are described in terms of their location in Space-Time[1].

This idea (STC) is great on its own, and I have no objections to any of it, and it also serves as the basis of my thoughts. And I have challenged myself to think out of the box, or the universe rather, to have a better understanding of creation both religiously and scientifically.

INTRO

Currently our thoughts, views, perceptions, assumptions, theories, hypothesizes etc., are evidently limited and somewhat biased to the current understanding of the mathematical workings of the universe. So it should be, and so shall it remain for many. It is what we can only comprehend, but here lies the question, what about things that we cannot comprehend?

Many a people nowadays have the indoctrinated thinking that the universe happens or builds itself naturally. Not created by anyone or any God. But if someone, anyone, say that his house, his car, or mobile phones and tabs, builds or created itself naturally, then people would deem him/her crazy.

Whereas the intricacy of a single planet, Earth for example, is far more superior to that of a house, a car, or mobile phones and tabs. Even the human eye cannot be duplicated or created by any ‘man-made’ machine. And yet, people who believe that the universe is natural do exist.

Professor S.W. Hawking, stated in his book[2], that time has a beginning, and matter derives from a singularity after the Big Bang. Which raises another question, if time has a beginning, and matter came from a singularity, then someone or something must have made it and triggered it.

Surah Al-Anbiya 21:30

Have those who disbelieved not considered that the heavens and the earth were a joined entity, and We separated them and made from water every living thing? Then will they not believe?

Imagine one is playing the 9-ball pool, the pool balls certainly do not create itself, sets itself, and breaks itself, without someone creating it, setting it, and breaking the balls.

FINDING

Now let us begin. I would like to call our universe, in its entirety, simply as Area X. For the purpose of this writing, let’s just imagine that it is a simple circle or sphere (or whatever shape you want it to be).

In Area X, all deterministic laws that govern the universe are applicable. The size of Area X is irrelevant because the observable universe is limited to only what we can see. And if Hawking’s theory is to be hold true, that matter came from a singularity, and the Big Bang happened, and the universe is expanding, then by that logic (imagine breaking the 9-ball pool), the universe must have an edge. For the sake of this paper, we hold the theory to be true, hence Area X.

Alluding back to the ayat from Surah Adh-Dhariyat 51:49, God say that He created everything in pairs. Night and Day, Life and Death, Beginning and End etc.  By simply using this particular majestic statement, then Area X must have its own pair, the exact opposite of itself. Let’s simply call it Area Y.

All deterministic laws that govern Area X are not applicable in Area Y, its exact opposite. Consequently, the STC doesn’t subjugate Area Y. Space and Time therefore is non-existence in Area Y. Whether Area X and Area Y are intertwined, overlapped or vibrated, in the same space or not, with one another is irrelevant, because the objective of this paper is simply to provide understanding the existence of Area Y.

Imagine a computer programmer that builds games. He created a program for one particular game, and in that game there are two rooms, room X and room Y. The programmer then created sets of rules for room X, and created different and opposite sets of rules for room Y. Whatever is applicable in room X is not applicable in room Y and vice versa. And most certainly is not applicable to the programmer himself.

The Programmer

  

On a superior scale, The Creator, created the universe also in pairs, Area X and Area Y, with its own respective sets of rules, liberated from one another, and most importantly, not applicable to The Creator.

If one is able to grasp this simple concept, then one can be rid of, as I have mentioned earlier, the ‘thoughts, views, perceptions, assumptions, theories, hypothesizes etc., are evidently limited and somewhat biased to the current understanding of the mathematical workings of the universe’. The mind (way of thinking) would be released from, and no longer limited to Area X alone, therefore would be able to understand a little bit better of The Creator and His creations.

This brings us to another question. If Area Y exists, then who lives or occupies Area Y? In Islam and most religions the world over, inhabitants of this particular Area, is non-other than the Angels, Djinns, Souls, Heaven, Hell etc. Science has not been able to proof the existence of Angels, Djinns, Souls, Heaven, Hell etc. The reason being is science itself is limited to Area X. It has been set by The Creator as a programmer would when creating a program.

CONCLUSION

Area X and Area Y co-exist, and The Creator in utmost certainty is not subjected to whatever rules set in Area X and Area Y.

---

[1] https://einstein.stanford.edu/content/relativity/q411.html

[2] A Brief History of Time, 1988

Currently

It has been quite a while since my last penned, feeling a little bit rusty. In fact I have nothing particular in mind to write about. Election’s over. Those who had won, stays in power. Those who lost, strive to have power. Another 5 more years til the next one. Best of luck.

Oh yeah, I’m married now. That’s new. Marriage is a blessing, at least I feel like it. The wife is someone I wanted and I needed. I’m lucky to have found her (I know you’ll be reading this, perhaps my chances of buying a motorcycle in the future will jump a few percentages).

My younger brother has a son now. And the youngest recently landed a girlfriend. My eldest sister has three beautiful daughters. I remembered when I was their age, we were sent to tuition classes, mengaji Quran, taekwondo, and now they are experiencing the same thing. Life is a circle. And I am a husband blessed with a caring wife (up another 15%). My elder brother is doing great. He seems to enjoy his life, that’s a good thing. Mom sews, dad plants. They are doing things they enjoy doing. Oh how time flies, how time flies.

Life is short, but why do we insist filling it with hate? I guess that is one of the questions that have no answers. I’m feeling nostalgic. And as I would my other posts, this one is no different, a short poem seems to be in the air. This one is for you wifey

Hati

Bisa berbicara rindu, bila perlu

Lidah

Bisa bermain kata, bila daya

Namun hadirmu, indah dari dunia dan segala isinya.

(up another 50%) ;)

the Philippines - there and back again

It has been a while since my last wrote. I’m feelin a lil bit rusty. Maybe the writing mechanics is not in top form yet hehe. I remember those days when writing was my escape from reality, I guess it still is. Just got back from the Philippines with Ketam, Lobster, and Wong (bukan nama sebenar). The trip wasn’t planned, it was just a spur of the moment, takin the advantage of the holidays.

But the original destination was to go to Bangkok. We were supposed to take a train from KL Sentral to Butterworth/Hat Yai and straight to go to Bangkok. And Wong already bought tickets from penang to KL for our return flight. I went to see Ketam at KL Sentral to accompany him to buy those tickets, when our turn came, tickets were sold out. I imagined the train would be full with foreigners.

Then I told Ketam that we should just go local, to have our holiday here, but he insisted with a BIG NO, he said to me ‘we’ve already set our mind to go and have our holiday oversea, then we should’. We compared destinations with destinations and Philippines was the result. Flights and rooms were booked. The first 3D2N we spent at Makati, and the remaining at Clark.

Here is how the journey began, and I assure you, it is not without drama, aint that right Lobster?

The night before the journey, not one of us had enough sleep, I guess it was the excitement, but for me it is because I was worried I’d overslept hehe. I asked Bian to send me and the guys to LCCT, God bless his soul. Bian and I took off at 4am, to pick up Wong at 415, I gave him a call first, and sure enough he waqs sleeping, thank God I called, he immediately got up and ready, by 430 we were at Lobster’s place to pick him and Ketam, and as usual with these two, sumthin will come up and like sun rising up in the morning, it did. Ketam was busy trying to find a parking spot for his brand new car, takut kena panas katanya. After 20mins we were off to LCCT.

We say our goodbyes and thanks to Bian, and went straight to the kiosk to print our ticket, but guess what, the dram begins, we couldn’t print it because Lobster wasn’t using the mobile apps but using images from his email instead uhuk2. We hurried to the counter, and I told him to go and cut the line and straight to the counter because we were already late. Thank God we made it. We got into the departure hall and only a few people are left queuing.

The stewardess was wearing jeans, airasia style, and Lobster was kind enough to give her his usual trademarked pick-up line ‘you’re pretty’. The flight was smooth. We landed at Clark Airport. And then jeng-jeng-jeng another drama ensued. Lobster lost his wallet, eh ‘misplaced’ or was it his wallet entered the twilight zone? We searched for it frantically everywhere but to no avail.

Lobster was clearly frustrated and accused and insisted that someone pickpocketed him to the extent asking the airport police to look at the cctv recording! And the result was clearly a no. no body pickpocketed him whatsoever. The free bus ride to manila is being held for our sake, Lobster was askin me about the embassy and we should go and report his missing wallet. We left our number to the police and ran to the bus, and guess what, sumthin fell from Lobster’s beg pack, and surely enough it was his wallet. It was there all the time, stuck in between the straps.

And he blabbered about it wasn’t there, someone pickpocketed him, x-files and stuff when it was clearly his negligence uhuk2. Be that as it may, the bus ride was almost 2 hrs long, and we reached resort world, and then we took a xab to Makati city, which was just around the corner. Oh ya I forgot to mention Wong made a friend from the flight, a Japanese dude named Jun Aoki who works at Malaysia.

Penat menaip – End of Part 1

i am, you are

the beauty of everything in life is its uncertainties. the what-ifs of past decisions. did we make the right decisions, the right path, the right move, the right choices?

doubts and questions about past relationships, what if you have chosen her over someone else, or vice versa, would it be different now, right here right now, would life be more colorful, would the air you breathe feels fresher, would your smile feels warmer and more lively?

those are questions that will never be answered.

i wish i have control over destiny, because like most men, i have my regrets, and if i can change the things i have or haven't done, i would, but i cant. and i dont want to live in the past, but it has been the greatest guru i have ever had.

and right here right now, God willing, if i found you, all i can promise you now is i will give you my all, my everything, and i will have no more regrets.

Jerit Teriak Laung

Jujur

Bukan hanya keluar dari mulut

Tapi jerit dari tingkah

Dan melantang dari tata yang tertib susila

Setia

Bukan hanya keluar dari mata

Tapi teriak dari genggam

Dan menerjah dari yang seiring seirama

Cinta

Bukan hanya keluar dari rindu

Tapi laung dari hati

Dan menggema dari bisik si pujangga

Bali - The Good, the Bad, and the Babi (literally)

A few months ago i got a call from a friend back home (let’s call him Camar for entertainment sake). He said to me in a not so husky voice, ‘To, ada tiket murah pigi Bali, macam?’. And my swift response was, ‘ok, bawa si XX’ (let’s call this one Dragon, yup Dragon). Days that went by, feels like eternity when u’re waiting and at last the day came, and this is our story.

I picked up Camar and Dragon from LCCT the night before our departure. We ran through our ‘itinerary’ one last time and we are set. I woke up early and literally kicked them to wake them up. We were getting ready and all excited. We arrived at LCCT early, when we checked in, the people at the counter selamba-ly told us that the flight has been postponed to the afternoon. Apakah neraka? 9wat de hell?). It was the longest 5 hours in our lives. But we kept our cool ehem.

We arrived at the airport. 3.9 million people in Bali plus 3 from Sabah. We were lookin around for our supir – Yanto. He wasn’t there. Camar told us to look for a person holding a sign with his name on it. Almost half an hour passed and there was no yanto, we called him and he said his brother is there to replace him. We looked around and still no signboards with Camar’s name on it. Then came this rather short uncle with a jazz hat on holding a sign that says DELAVEGA. ‘Ah dia la tu’ camar suddenly yelled. ‘Delavega?!’ Dragon and i shouted back, he forgot to mention to us he was using his Casanova nickname, brilliant right? Wrong. It seems he was there all along but me and Dragon passes him by because we thought it wasnt Camar’s name on his signboard (it was only a piece of paper actually). ‘Pak Nor’ he introduced himself, and we immediately drove off, time is of the essence here hehe. (Pak Nor is quite the character, which will be revealed later in this blog).

We arrived later in the afternoon and we have to change our plans a bit coz of the delay. So we went straight to Uluwatu for the sunset and to watch the Kecak Dance. I was wearing my shorts khakis, and apparently one have to wear longer pants to enter holy places, much like the mosque. But the staff are ready with brightly colored sarong, and Pak Nor immediately help me put a blue one on. We went straight down, and i noticed Pak Nor picked up a stick but i pay it no mind, later i found out it was to rid off any approaching monkeys who seems to be too ‘fond’ of people.

I saw one mat salleh almost lost his glasses because he was standing too close to a monkey, and the monkey grabbed it but it fell to the ground. We took some pictures with the monkeys and bought ourselves tickets for the Kecak Dance. It was full, ‘too full’ actually. They keep cramping people up to the floor. The ticket was around rm7, if memory serves. There are around  4 to 5 hundred people. And i ask Pak Nor how many times a week do they performed, and his answer was quite surprising, 364 days a year, every day a full house, with one day off (Hari Penyepian). RM7 x 500people x 365 = RM1,277,500.00! these guys are making a minimum 100k a month! That rate is for locals & Malaysians, for other foreigners its double or triple! Damn i should quit my job and join the crew.

Our seats are just nice overlooking the sunset, just right next to the cliffs. The show started around 6 and ends around 8plus, damn we were getting hungry. The Kecak Dance is a form of Balinese dance and some sort of a music drama depicting the story of Ramayana helped by Vanara (the monkey) to fight Ravana. It was brilliantly performed, and the naughty white monkey was a hell of a comedian.  The sunset was breathtakingly breathtaking haha.

We then move to jimbaran to have dinner at the beach on the sand. There was a show of traditional dance it was a new experience. The dancers are quite young. Dragon was having a good time haha.

After a big dinner, we went straight to Kuta, to matahari guesthouse, and was surprised that we were given a small room, Dragon ended up sleeping on the floor kui3. Camar and dragon went to look for a hotel, i suggested bakung sari hotel, which turns out to be 300m from matahari. They went there to make a booking. It turns out if you are a walk-in they are charging you USD80 per night, so Camar went back to matahari and make a booking from the internet (www.agoda.com.my) and we got a bigger room for only RM80 a night! What a rip off if we were to take the walk in charges.

So, early in the morning Pak Nor took us straight to this leather shop that specializes in making leather jackets, (i was suppose to buy one when i visited Bandung, but the timing was off and i couldn’t buy one then, turns out making a custom fit lleather jacket in Bali was the best decision i’ve ever made),  i was pumped, and was immediately measured and discussing the design with the tailor. Black leather, with brass colored zippers, biker-styled jacket. And i told him specifically, about that i want it a little bit short, just above my hip, so that when its fully zipped and i am sitting down, the jacket wont look like i was mengandung 4 bulan, mengembung like normal jackets yang panjang sampai ke bawah pinggang. Siapnya hari jumaat sebalah pagi pak, ok ngam. Then we went straight to Ubud. The area was filled with creativity, the people are master craftsmen in woodwork, stone carving, and paintings. I bought one for my sister (mahal tu ehem), Dragon bought a few for ... someone la. One thing i notice about the woodwork was, the Balinese seems to have a liking to penis, they have it in every wood shop and every giftshops all over Bali, weird. Dragon bought a lot penis-shaped keychain, i am sceptical on-to which extent is he using it? haha

And then we went to Goa Gajah, bayar lagi tiket masuk. Its a historical landmark of someone with a gajah hundreds of years ago (i know im lazy, google it yourself). Then we drop by tegalantang rice terrace, it was beautiful rice field. Kesian this one young girl that tries to sell us this postcards of Bali, i didn’t have change with me, so we left her without a sale. Sorry girl, next time.

Off we went to this, apa nama? Ala lupa pulak, its like a fruit garden la, that sells the most expensive coffee in the entire world, kopi luwak. It was sold at the garden at rm17 in a very small cup, seteguk buli abis. Pak Nor told us that if it was sold in cafe, it can go as high as rm71 in that same size of cup, craze bodoh. Dragon bought one, and i tried a sip, macam kopi tenom ja rasanya pun, tiada pun speselnya, ceh. I enjoyed the vanilla flavoured coffee more, perrgghh sedap, free lagi.

Then we arrived at kintamani (again, google it). A nice mountain view, half of the mountain was like a desert, pasir ja Nampak, pasal sulphur kali. Camar (the hawk-eyed stalker) immediately spotted a group of Korean girls, and told Pak Nor to ask them if we can take pictures with them, and to my surprise, Pak Nor spoke Korean! Walawey! Snap2 Dragon comes a little bit closer to one of the Korean girls (we call his move ‘mendada’ hahah). We had lunch at a buffet muslim restaurant, lupa suda namanya. Then off we go to check in at our new hotel, bakung Sari, nice and spaceful hehe.

END of PART 1 (bukan apa penat suda menaip, nanti ja sambung)

Puisi dari seberang

kulari ke hutan kemudian menyanyiku
kulari ke pantai kemudian teriakku
sepi… sepi.. dan sendiri aku benci
aku ingin bingar… aku mau di pasar
bosan aku dengan penat
dan enyah saja kau pekat
seperti berjelaga jika kusendiri

pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
biar mengaduh sampai gaduh
ada malaikat menyulam
jaring laba laba belang di tembok keraton putih

kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya
biar terdera
atau aku harus lari ke hutan
lalu ke pantai…

this is the poem from the hit indonesian film 'ada apa dengan cinta'. i'm a big fan of indonesian literature, the wordings, the rhythm of the sentence, to me is just mesmerizing. another one from this movie is titled simply as 'cinta'.

Perempuan datang atas nama cinta
Bunda pergi karna cinta
Digenangi air racun jingga adalah wajahmu
Seperti bulan lelap tidur di hatimu
yang berdinding kelam dan kedinginan
Ada apa dengannya
Meninggalkan hati untuk dicaci
Lalu sekali ini aku lihat karya syurga
dari mata seorang hawa
Ada apa dengan cinta?

Tapi aku pasti akan kembali
dalam satu purnama
untuk mempertanyakan kembali cintanya..

Bukan untuknya, bukan untuk siapa
Tapi untukku
Karna aku ingin kamu
Itu saja

Laungan Subuh

sedang aku tidur aku dikejutkan oleh namamu
peluh dingin yang mengalir menjadi kelam dan kematu
dan boleh saja namamu terpacul dari bibirku

aku duduk dan beristighfar
mengusap jari dari hujung mata ke malar
doaku agar hatiku bersih dari onar dan kekar

subuh sudah lantang melaung
jari-jari yang lemah ini coba menolak selubung
dan telinga terus kuat berdengung

lantai yang hina diinjak pijak
jadi mulia bila sujud kepada yang Hak
hati tenang selepas ombak bergolak

tealapak yang berat menadah
meminta ampun dan taubah
karna hanya Kamu yang wajib dimulia disembah

atas kemulian dan kebesaran
atas penerima segala amalan
hati ini hanya milik kamu ya rab ya rahman

(puasa mau dekat, puisi pun berbaur keinsafan, tidak sabar mau balik kampung hahaha)

Pintu

Pintu, hari2 kita tinguk pintu. Bangun tidur nampak pintu bilik. Pigi tandas buka pintu. Keluar rumah buka pintu. Masuk kereta buka pintu. Pigi opis buka pintu tutup pintu. Ada pintu besar, ada yang kecik. Ada warna putih, hitam, coklat yang paling banyak. Pintu kita buka akan bawa kita ke satu ruangan yang lain, mungkin lebih besar, atau lebih kecil, lebih sejuk, atau lebih panas.

Dalam hidup kita sedar atau tidak kita ada buka banyak jenis pintu. Pejam mata dan cuba bayangkan, henfon kita berbunyi alarmnya jam 6am, ada dua pintu di situ, satu pintu stop alarm kita terus bangun, satu pintu snooze sambung tidur. Bila kita baru bangun dari tidur, ada dua pintu, satu pintu kencing satu pintu cuci muka. Selesai mandi ada banyak lagi pintu, pintu baju. Kita buka pintu baju putih, lepas tu ada lagi banyak pintu, pintu tali leher, kita buka pintu tali leher hitam. Pintu seluar dalam nda paya cerita la di sini. Kalau perempuan, pintu baju dan pintu beg tangan jangan cakap la berapa banyak.

Sampai di opis, kita pigi cafeteria sarapan, ada banyak lagi pintu, pintu minuman. Kita buka pintu teh tarik. Ada lagi pintu, pintu makanan, kita buka pintu roti canai mamak satu. Pintu2 jenis ni semua, pintu2 yang kita buka tanpa sedar, ikut mood, ikut rasa.

Ada satu pintu yang paling penting dari semua pintu. Salah pilih boleh rusak, pilih yang betul boleh selamat. Itulah yang dipanggil pintu ‘keputusan’.Ada satu lagi jenis pintu yang penting. Pintu ni berat, kita punya tangan suda pun memigang tombol, tapi mau buka punya la susah, punya la berat, kadang2 dapat buka, kadang2 tidak dapat buka, kadang2 putus asa mau buka, kadang2 dibiar nda mau ambil tau. Itu la yang dipanggil pintu ‘tanggungjawab’.

Mana satu yang bagus untuk aku? untuk kau? untuk dia? untuk kita? Mana satu yang berat bagi aku? bagi kau? bagi dia? bagi kita?

Mata, hati dan cinta

Mata yang memanggil, renung yang memaut
Kembalikan remajaku
Tika waktu hati berbicara cinta dan bukan cita-cita

Kalau mata bisa menulis, Kan ku bukukan wajahmu

Kalau mata bisa melukis, Kan ku potretkan senyummu
Kalau mata bisa menyanyi, Kan ku gubah santunmu
Dan kalau mata bisa merindu, Kan ku gubal puisi syahdu

Berjalan di bawah gelap malam bintang-bintang

Bayang-bayang yang ingin berlari, berhenti sekejap rayuku
Bawa aku pergi, berlari bersama mimpi-mimpi
Supaya anganku bisa menyatu dengan kamu
Dan duniaku jadi sempurna, karna adanya kamu

senja si pari-pari

senja
bukan lagi mainan si pari-pari
yang dulu bisa dilihat menari dengan api,
dan kadang kala dengan hati

senja
aku ukir untuk mimpi
matahari juga bisa tenggelam di hujung jari-jari
senyum untuk orang yang punya kekasih

sampai siang
angin yang berbicara  dengan rambut
lalu di mana jari-jari kamu?

dan sampai siang
bicara bukan lagi milik lidah
tapi milik mata
dan yang beda bukan sesiapa
tapi aku, dia dan mereka

3 PMs

i believe this is my first blog about my new workplace, the ministry of foreign affairs, or they call it here Wisma Putra. it is somewhat strategically located on top of a hill overlooking almost all the ministries below. from presint 1 all the way to JPM down to presint 2.

i have to be honest, the first thing i thought about Wisma Putra was the overseas postings. truth be told, the one reason i wanted to transfer to WP in the first place was, if i were to be posted overseas, then i would have enough money to buy me a Harley-Davidson. it does sound silly doesnt it? haha.

regardless what i may or may not write about this new workplace, it is by all means, my own personal thoughts and feelings. but it has been a blast, professionally. i remember i was 'in charge' of logistics for the Premier of China's visit to M'sia. he is schedule to meet with 3 prime ministers in one day. so we sent a letter to PM, and i contacted both former PMs, Tun Mahathir and Tun Abdullah's office for arrangements.

day 1 we were the officer put 'in charge' (kononnya la) of protocol arrangements for the bilateral meetings between PM and his chinese counterpart and the exchanging of MoUs between M'sian and China's companies witnessed by both. as the PM walked pass me, i remember thinking, 'he used to look bigger, the last time i saw him upclose in 2001'. mungkin kecut suda kali haha

day 2 i cover the courtessy call by the Chinese Premier on Tun Mahathir. As my boss and i were sitting inside the waiting room with Tun, i cant help but notice that he is, for lack of a better word, Old. He looks tiny and almost fragile, but he has still the charisma of a former world leader. then a couple of hours later it was Tun Abdullah's turn to meet with the Chinese Premier.

i met 3 prime ministers in 2 short days, i'm overwhelmed by the experience haha, orang kampung la katakan. my current workplace offers me a new window to the side of the world i have never experienced before, maybe not a big deal to some, but it is for me. the title says it all. till next time

mindless

The mind is a very funny thing. It actually is, ironically, mindless. You have to give it guidance, directions, and support, and you have to give it heart. Without it, the mind is at lost and without directions. I believe a mind without those things will make a person a mindless robot.


But be careful of what kind of guidance and directions you chose to give it, because what you wanted it to do and to believe it will do so. And i, in many many occasions have led it astray. And in many many more occasions have repented over it. We are, what most would love to deny, weak. And only through God can we be strong enough to give it the clear and true directions, only through Him can we be successful.

My mind is playing tricks on me, making a fool out of me, and i think its about time i give it a more clear direction. It has been a very very busy month for me, i need a rest, a vacation perhaps. Bali here i come. Eh bila aa?

blind

I went for a camping trip, it was good place for camping. The water is crystal clear and everyone seems to have a good time. I was just sitting there and a girl came asking me something, and i remembered i said no to her question. And i immediately move away. But later, fate it seems loves to play a practical joke once in a while, ironically i fell in love with this girl, and fate again plays the biggest joke on me then, the girl wasn’t in his plan.


I’ve been in love, a couple of times i think, but now, i don’t remember how to do it again. Maybe because it hurts when its over. Maybe i’m just scared, maybe i’m just confused, or maybe i just don’t believe in it anymore. We can give a blind man a stick to find his way, but how can someone who loses ‘love’ find his? I have no answer for that, not right now, not yet, perhaps not ever

putra berjaya

Putrajaya, the city, or federal territory rather, has been kind to me, in a way. Its beautifully landscaped, its peaceful, it has everything but still, incompletely complete. Peaceful has its pro and con, mundane it seems is the essence of peace. In other words, its a boring place. 20 minutes or less of driving around and you have covered all. And in this watching-paint-dry-boring place lies the heart of the government, another bore fact. Even my writing becomes dull.


Going down to KL is a struggle by itself, the traffic, the motorists, the people, the shopping complexes, the complexity of the girls haha. The girls here are unique in their own way, i have no further comment, best leave it at that. Oh come to think of it. Thats why i like sabahan girls better hahaha. And i’m lucky i’m no club goer. But i admit i have my below par approach on life. But yes, i want to be the enemy of my vices, my lusts, my shortcomings. But i look into the mirror and i see a fragile man, but hey, aren’t we all? Till next time

bahaya

today's event was a bit crazeee. i was with salim having lunch at penang village klcc. everything was normal and all, until this lady in a super-short skirt sitting in the next table on my 2 o'clock. and she keeps looking at me a few times. being a man i couldnt help but taking a few glimpses, this girl is CRAZYYY! the weird thing is she crossed her legs in my direction, when she left and was trying to stand i terglimpsed at her private area, and she wasnt wearing any panties!! the girl is super crazee-horny. gila, wats wrong with KL girls nowadays, not all la, some. sheesh

Jagoan Kota

Sekuntum bukan semestinya layu
Gerak hati yang berbicara sayu
Yang ada hanya kamu
Begitu rentaknya duniamu

Mentari meminta izin untuk pergi
Tapi kemana langkahnya?
Kalau bukan hanya dibalik tabir hati
Di depan pintu cuma

Dan Sang Bulan pun petah berbicara
‘Akulah jagoan kota
Yang menjadi teman si pengemis pujangga kata
Seperti pautan si pacat
Pada hati yang lumpuh cacat
Dia suda tidak bisa diubat’

Kulit yang tidak tahan gatal panas
Jari yang tidak kenal was-was
Hati yang dihuni unggas-unggas
Duduknya tidak santun tidak kemas

10:30 am 17 Jan ‘11

the way it is

these past few years, i found myself still looking for something, and i cant seem to find it. how can i find this something when i dont even know what it is im looking for. it feels like im going back and forth and ended up at the same place again and again. i wish i knew what i'm looking for, then it would be easier, much more easier.

i am, in some aspects, a failure. i'm not a good man, not so much of a person, an even worse friend, a not so obedient son, and, i'm ashamed to say, not even a good Moslem. i've been down this path many times, i wish i could change but always find myself looking at the same person in the mirror, a failure.

but i'm lucky enough to have a postive mind and attitude, because as the saying goes, 'when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up'. the heart is a stupid-fragile thing. we can nurture it, comfort it, and to some extent, lie to it.

i pray to the Almighty to give me strength, for i have none, to give me comfort, for i'm in distress, to show me the way, for i am lost. Amin

all is well

life, no matter how beautiful it may come, will never be perfect. it will always have flaws, and flaws what make us better. i have always thought of myself to be indifferent to anything, but i was wrong. we seem to have an opinion on anything and everything. sometimes when we are lucky, we got to be right, but most of the time we are not, and most of the time we fail to see that too.

i'm blessed in many ways save a few, but i tend to be the ungrateful dumb ass almost all the time. but i try to improve that part of me, for my sake and for others. i need a slap in the face to wake me up hahahaha. till next time

Saja

Api dan duri
bukanlah kawan yang bisa di ajak menari
terpekik terlolong dengan siul tajam si siluman ngeri
warna, bukan lagi pelangi

Dari mata turun ke hati
dari renung ke denyutan nadi
atas nama yang tidak punya erti
bingung bukan milik hakiki
bukan milik si bajingan sakti

(aku suka menulis. dan kadang2 Tuhan akan bagi ilham, ayat2 akan turun spontan, walaupun tidak punya erti atau tidak merujuk pada diri dan situasi, asal sedap bunyi, ini pun sama juga ni .. haha)

men's fitness

I believe every one of us has some sort of a hobby(ies), there are the outdoorsy-type that would go camping, fishing, jungle trekking, etc. Others like it more physical, outdoor/indoor sports. Some would just paint, collect stuffs, blogging, the list goes on.

I for one am in love with the sport called bodybuilding, but I prefer to call it physical fitness. It’s good for the overall health, mentally, physically as well as emotionally. There’s no other way that beats pumping iron when you want to let some steam off.

I might not be the perfect person to talk, or give advices, on this issue. This is just me writing about something I like doing and perhaps give some general pointers on it.

If friends just beginning to have the idea to get into shape, i always advice them to ask themselves first, what type of body they want. Do they want to look like bodybuilders (picture Arnold), actors (hugh ‘wolverine’ jackman), or male models (not sure, but you have the rough idea). This is important, mainly because these types of bodies are different from each other, therefore requires different types of exercises/trainings. Most friends would go for wolverine for obvious machismo reasons. When you decided which type of body you want, then you can begin.
I will not go into details, you can download it from google, saves you a lot of money and time (thank god for technology). From there you can outline your training program, but remember, the program is flexible, if you find it to be boring, change it occasionally.

During my early years of physical fitness, I went to a gym rakyat near masjid negeri in kk. I used to train with amateur bodybuilders, these guys are hardcore, and i was pulled into their training program, which was a BIG mistake, because i forgot then, i never wanted to have a bodybuilder’s physique, but i was training to become one. REMEMBER, DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP. After three months, I put on mass and get really big, i used to bench 120-130kg with these freaks haha. Until one day, a friend told me to my face, you have a babyface type of face with the body of a monster, and he was right. Your facial texture too plays an important part in your overall body type (at least i think so).

Their program was, they focused on 5-6 types with 5 to 6 sets of one part of muscle, two times a week, the standard bodybuilding program. Eg. Monday, Thursday, they will do their chest and triceps. Tuesday, Friday their backs, shoulders and arms. Wednesday and Saturday their legs and calves, and abs every day. There’s nothing wrong with this program if I were training for competition, but i wasn’t.

I rest for half a year i think, to let the mass size down. And changed my training to a drastic whole body workout 6 times a week. It may sound insanely absurd yes, overtraining maybe, but lets do a comparison. I train each part of my major muscles with one type of training a day. Eg. I’ll do a shoulder dumbbell press a day for six days, means i work my shoulder muscle 6 times a week. Now lets compare it with the bodybuilders program, they do 6 types of shoulder exercises a day, two times a week. So 6 x 2 = 12 times a week. Its double the number of times i trained mine, got it? So there’s no issue of overtraining.

I do this whole body workout with light weights, i use no more than 7.5kg of dumbbells for single arm exercises, 15kg if using two hands (barbells). If i were to add more weights, i would add more mass, thats not what i aim for. To build strength and stamina, i cut down on my rest time from 1 minute to 45 seconds, and add on more sets and more reps but not more weights. (most people i see in the gym have the tendency to rest longer than they should between sets, this is a no no, keep in mind the shorter you rest the more calories you burn).

Throughout my years of training, i found out that for my 5’7” height, the 7.5 and 15kgs are enough to build a lean muscle definition. When i go to the gym today, it is common for us guys to check out the other gym goers. And compared to most of them, i am smaller, but my definition is better (masuk bakul angkat sendiri haha), because this is the type of body i want.

Recently i’m trying a new program, this one i copied it from arnold’s encyclopaedia of bodybuilding. Now don’t be alarm, no i’m not training to become like him, no way in hell no.
Mon Wed Fri (chest&back), Tue Thur Sat (Shoulders, arms & legs). Abs and light jogging on the treadmill everyday. I will not change the weights of the dumbbells, i’ll just add more sets and reps and cut down rest time.

Now lets talk about food intake. To have a firm 6 pack you have to loose those flabs hanging around your love handles. You can train your abs doing 1000 crunches a day and see no results, because you may have built the abs muscle inside but it is covered with fat. How to loose these stubborn entity? Simply by burning more calories than you take and cut sugar and salt entirely. why cut off sugar? you may ask. well the answer is simple, the body will burn calories for energy, and the easiest to burn is sugar, if you have it in your system, and the hardest is obviously fat, by not having any complex sugar in your system, the body will have no option than to use fat to burn those calories. And to maximise your fat burning, you also have to combine both cardio and weight training in your program.

I’ll give the program a try for a month to see the results and to listen to what my body says, and how my body reacts to the program. This is also an important note to take. Some types of exercises are good for some, better for someone else, best for another. Try and find yours. Its just a matter of patience and trial & error experiments. In the meantime enjoy your workout and keep the motivation going, best of luck, till next time.

ermm

Dua tiga langkah berlari
aku berpaling melihat rindu
bengis mukanya tidak sanggup aku

namun aku mula lesu
ku biar kasih berpaut di kaki
sayang bermanja di hati
sungguh aku tidak sanggup lagi

berdiri di tengah bendang
sawah menghijau
embun malam yang mampir
sejuknya sejuk sekali

bisa aku bicara denganmu? tegur rindu

pergilah jauh
kesian dan belaskan aku
tiada punya apa kecuali bicara lidah
kadang kelat dan kesat
lepaskan aku, aku merayu
kau mau aku sujud padamu?

sujudmu milik Tuhan yang satu, namun aku mahu hatimu

hati ini suda tidak mampu
jasad muda hati yang tua
pernah dibuang diinjak
masa terasa pendek dan singkat
jeling-jelingan yang membalas
aku tidak punya lagi hutang denganmu

dia mengirim aku padamu, hai teruna yang satu

aku bukan lagi milik itu
tahukah kau sang rindu
kisah di balik tabir yang belum labuh
aku bukan dia bukan itu

dia berdiri situ kaku
aku hulur tanganku
aku hulur tanganku
aku hulur tanganku

(22 julai 2002, recited 2006)

This piece plays a very important part in my life, i dont have a title for it, i still dont know why. i recited this poem at a function to a great and beautiful lady, whom i once deeply fell for. i wish her all of happiness in life, and i hope i will find mine as well. till next time.

Labuan

just came back from labuan (and kk) yesterday. the whole week at labuan was a bit dull. i was involved in a joint organized course with mmea & us coast guard. we sent 16 of our young officers for the 4days-course.

i was just sitting there listening to them mumbling something about something. but i did my part. i've already sent my report to the big guys upstairs. just a simple 5 page evaluation report on the course based on the findings from the participants.

the trainers are professionals from the u.s coast guards. they're a bunch of good n funny people. they called themselves the A-Team, consisting of Andrew, Abraham, and Amanda.

the food was great, (i think i gain a good 1kg), the hotel was so so la. my aircond the first 2 days were hangkang, (abis gas). told it at the reception early on, only on day 2 an electrician came and stuff the can with more gas. and then the bath tub was missing the cork (penyumbat) for the hole. i asked for a spare, they dont have one. i improvise, i used the glass cup. dapat la mandi berendam lama2 hua3.

later on i decided to go to the airport and change my flight to depart from kk. added another extra rm50. have the chance to meet some friends, miss u bebeh hahaha.

the last night at labuan me and a few of the young officers went to the hotel's pub, nothing fancy, just sitting down listening to some great music. they played sweet child of mine from GnR, the guitarist was awesome! 20minutes in, i called it a night and went upstairs to bed. tinguk tv lg bagus.

sempat tinguk wayang salt di suria sabah, buli2 la. sempat lagi dinner d aesha corner dan jesselton point. pack juga la jadual. flight pagi ahad si mamat (aka habibz jewels) tolong hantar p airport, flight smooth la, azmi ambik dekat erl, terus bawa dia sarapan, terus balik rumah sakit perut mau birak hahaahaha. punya banyak kain mau cuci. aah malas, ndapa mesin juga cuci heeh. till next time.

needs vs wants

i opened up my closet and saw a handful of jackets. i looked up and there're 4 pairs of boots on top of the closet. i have these somewhat crazy cravings for jackets and boots. i like watches very very much too, but to date i only have two, i'm saving up for a tag or a montblanc. aside from motorcycles, these are the things i need most. sorry, correction, i want most hehe.

for me personally, its kinda hard to fight these cravings. but its even harder to accept the fact that i know the difference between needs and wants. but as a human being, i'm not perfect and almost always succumbed to the latter.

it baffles me sometimes, the nature of men (and women) to intentionally, subconsciously or not, go for the negative. i need a car, and i want a honda. i need jeans, it has to be a levi's. i need a gf, she has to be this and that.

all i'm saying is that, we cant fight what we are. but i believe we can control what we want to become. but dont mind me, i'm all talk haha. i thought i saw a nice boot at timberland the other day, guess i'll pay them a visit hehe no la. till next time.

The truth about boys

If you’re reading this, best be aware and a form or warning is bestowed beforehand. For this will be raw, unedited and perhaps offensive to some. But those reasons have never stopped a good read before and i assure you, they won’t stop it now.

Nothing can be further from the truth with the cliché statement ‘boys will be boys’. As boys (normal ones) we like shiny stuffs with wheels. We typically like cars, motorbikes, monsters on wheels, but let’s leave out cart wheels and wheelchairs on this one. I for one can drool upon a shiny harley-davidson fatboy for hours and still can’t get enough, I don’t know why, it’s just in me.

Toys aren’t only for girls. We like them too, GI Joe’s stuffs but definitely not barbies. I would someday like to have in my house a big wall with shelves filled with kick-ass toys from mcFarlanes, old movie posters, sports trophies of past winnings (ada ka? haha).
In general boys like sports, even the ‘kaki bangku’ would enjoy watching the world cup, or a couch potato can enjoy a game of basketball on tv. So don’t mind us, come world cup, turning into mindless zombies worshipping the tv (thank God for astro).

We like girls, especially the pretty ones. I’m not being shallow, it’s just the facts. The truth is we (boys and girls alike) love to look at beautiful things. Women above all else literally live by this very principle. Look at the local and foreign magazines, ads on tv, most are aimed at women. And surprise surprise who’s there on the cover? A very pretty girl in a pretty dress with a pretty make-up. Hey, I’m just pointing out the facts.

Most boys are not hypocrites. One can be more outspoken than the other but we practically have the same understanding. For example, me and a friend are sitting down somewhere and came pass us this hot-in-heels-head-turning-brunette. Our eyes seemed to be glued with her movement until she walked-off the corner. Now, for the outspoken me, I’d directly say to my friend ‘damn! What a smoking babe’. For the more introvert him, he’d give me a nod and a little grin. He will never say ‘I don’t think so’ and kept his real opinion from me. We are a very direct creature, regardless our state of personality.

I’m sure all of us have met with a situation where a bunch of people in a group would make noises and jokes and gave out big laughs in public. It’s ok for us boys to do it. To see a girl laugh, it’s a pretty sight, to see her laugh frantically in a loud voice in public, it’s horror and a definite turn off. You see, boys like girls simply because they are being girly. Let me put it in a simple statement, boys like girls for their femininity.

Through experience, more bitter than sweet, it has come to my knowledge and understanding, that men are as much as fragile as women. We may have built this exterior wall of confidence, arrogance, indifference and belittlement nature that is so deeply and perfectly embedded into our DNA and our sub consciousness so much so that we believe we are different from women, when truth be told we’re not, and the same can be said of women. Stop hating us for what we are, rough, direct, sweaty, and loud. Instead love us for what we can be, a poet, a dreamer or the occasional lover. till next time.

kau aku dan satu

dalam kalam yang kadangnya terang, kadangnya kabur
bibir ini sentiasa tersasul
dengan nista dan bacul

bicara tidak semestinya selari dengan niat
tangan yang luntur, badan yang kuat menggeliat
lalu inikah yang dipacak dengan nobat
yang hanya tau, besok baru bertaubat

seteguh mana kaki berdiri
manakan bisa di atas angin
robek tiga lapis sang hati
manakan bisa menolak ingin

aku kau satu
namun itu satu masa dulu
di masa bila kita bisa belajar menari dengan angin
menyanyi dengan rindu
berlari dengan sendu dan rayu
kau, peluk aku
tidurmu hanya satu
mimpimu hanya aku
tapi itu
itu satu masa dulu

14 julai 2010 (5.00 ptg)

Ini aku saja2 karang on the spot. tapi hati juga main peranan. bukan apa, manusia tanpa rasa dan hati, kan hanya robot tin kosong, tapi aku rasa aku ni separuh2, cyborg barangkali hahaha

Kenangan

Terkenang-kenang terkejut
siapa itu?
mari dekat padaku
tunjuklah mukamu

Ini aku, nafsu
oh! kau datang tidak tepat waktu
ini aku syahdu
ah! malam sunyi kernamu
ini aku pilu
cis! jangan dekat padaku

JADI APA MAU MU?
wajah yang bermain di kalbu
nyata kau bukan itu
pergilah jangan ganggu aku

TAPI DIA BUKAN MILIKMU
itu aku tau
dia mau begitu
hanya kenangan milikku

5 oktober 2002

Ini aku ingat2 lupa, tapi pasal perempuan juga la, masa KYS juga ni, dia pilih orang lain juga, aku steady rock la, last2 aku nampak dia sekarang sama lelaki cina, nda mau la aku menilai orang, pandai2 nya la hiup.

Semulia Bulan

Ramadan datang menjenguk
suara-suara hitam
tidak lagi kedengaran
angin sepoi-sepoi perlahan

Sahur menyapa aku dari belakang
senyumnya senyum indah
bangunlah isilah
ala kadar untuk bekal

Dingin air pagi
dingin lagi nafsuku

Damai hati ini
damai lagi puasaku

Ramadan menyeru
riang senyumlah
bukalah tanganmu, sambutlah salamku
diturunkan aku padamu
nikmat bulan semulia bulan

Nafsu pergi datang kembali
tutuplah pintu itu!
aku...bukan lagi hambamu

8 Disember 1999 (9.25pm)

Yang ini aku buat time ramadan 99, tangan terasa gatal, tulis2, keluar la yang ni. nda silap aku masa ini aku d shah alam, boring masa tu.

Mawar Larangan

Di mata mu ada tasik
Lemas aku di dalamnya

Di bibirmu ada kasih
Terbuai aku dengan sayangnya

Di hatimu ada cinta
Puas aku merasa madunya

Kasih kau umpama mawar kayangan
Mekar di taman larangan
Dilihat boleh disentuh jangan

Dirimu dilingkari duri-duri tajam
Andai ku genggam
Tumpah, darah-darah halangan
Ku relakan mengalir
Demi kasih
Walau tak kesampaian

1998

Hmmm yang ini aku kurang pasti untuk siapa, atau saja-saja. Pasal tahun 98 aku sedang belajar di ptpl ampang, mungkin awek lama dari sandakan, high school sweet heart la katakan. cinta yag tak kesampaian, baru2 ini aku balik sandakan kawan kawin, malam lepak di waterfront sandakan ka apa ka, sekali kedai tu ada pulak dia di situ, maka dengan gentleman nya aku pun pigi la bercerita tanya kabar apa patut. masih lawa, berdetup hatiku sekejap hahah tapi itu, kisah lama

Air Tenang Yang Kabut

Tenang air
Jangan disangka tiada buaya
Ayu wajah
Usah termakan oleh rautnya

Lautan dalam bolehku duga
Hatinya, siapa yang tahu?

Kailku panjang sejengkal
Dalam hatinya sehasta
Perutku kosong
Dapur tidak berasap
Laut tengkujuh
Laut gelora
Ku kail, ku kail juga

Diayun ombak, dialun nafsu
Dibuai belai senyummu

Berkurung merah, berselendang biru
Kau kah menanti hadir ku?

Pantai, pasirnya putih
Jeti kayunya usang
Putri seyummu menawan
Hadirmu satu kegembiraan
Syukurku hanya pada Tuhan

22 Mac 2002 (10.20 am)

Aku paparkan koleksi puisi ku dari awal ku berjinak dengan pena dan rasa, rambang tidak mengikut urutan masa, sewaal 15 tahun dahulu. Setiap puisi yang aku tulis, lucunya selalu mengambarkan situasi dan perasaan aku waktu itu, dan kebiasaanya kerana seorang perempuan haha. Puisi ini kalau tidak silap masa aku ambil diploma di KYS, aku 'jatuh suka' sama sorang perempuan ni, tapi jinak2 merpati, lepas dapat mau terbang pula, last2 aku biarkan terbang sama merpati lain hahaha

malam ini

malam ini,
seperti malam2 yang lain,
aku bertemankan sunyi

hari ini.
seperti hari2 yang lain,
aku berlagukan sepi

dan saat ini,
seperti saat2 yang lain,
aku butuhkan nadi

emotionally paralyze

it has been a few years since i'm in a serious relationship. through these years i've met with a few lovable characters. they are a bunch of 'sight-for-sore-eyes-and-soul' kinda girls, but i cant get myself to commit. at first i thought it was them in particular, maybe there were something that i found in them that didnt tickle my fancy. i looked at them from a physical and emotional point of view. were there something wrong about their physical attractions, emotional expressions? but no, nothings wrong with them, it was me.

after a while, i started to look at me, and i found my answers. after being hurt so badly in two serious relationships, it left me with an emotional scar. i'm not truly a believer in post-traumatic after effects, not from a broken relationship that is. but i have to admit that is my problem right now. i cant bring myself to love and care for someone at a 80-100% capacity like i used to. i'm down at 20% or less and that scares me, i mean really bad. i dont think i can handle another break up from a serious relationship. and thats why i kept my distance, and not getting too attached from a possible girlfriend, and they hate me for it. (one girlfriend at one time mind you)

but i didnt do this to myself, i was betrayed and was hurt emotionally, and the worst thing is, i dont know how to solve it. till next time