needs vs wants

i opened up my closet and saw a handful of jackets. i looked up and there're 4 pairs of boots on top of the closet. i have these somewhat crazy cravings for jackets and boots. i like watches very very much too, but to date i only have two, i'm saving up for a tag or a montblanc. aside from motorcycles, these are the things i need most. sorry, correction, i want most hehe.

for me personally, its kinda hard to fight these cravings. but its even harder to accept the fact that i know the difference between needs and wants. but as a human being, i'm not perfect and almost always succumbed to the latter.

it baffles me sometimes, the nature of men (and women) to intentionally, subconsciously or not, go for the negative. i need a car, and i want a honda. i need jeans, it has to be a levi's. i need a gf, she has to be this and that.

all i'm saying is that, we cant fight what we are. but i believe we can control what we want to become. but dont mind me, i'm all talk haha. i thought i saw a nice boot at timberland the other day, guess i'll pay them a visit hehe no la. till next time.

The truth about boys

If you’re reading this, best be aware and a form or warning is bestowed beforehand. For this will be raw, unedited and perhaps offensive to some. But those reasons have never stopped a good read before and i assure you, they won’t stop it now.

Nothing can be further from the truth with the cliché statement ‘boys will be boys’. As boys (normal ones) we like shiny stuffs with wheels. We typically like cars, motorbikes, monsters on wheels, but let’s leave out cart wheels and wheelchairs on this one. I for one can drool upon a shiny harley-davidson fatboy for hours and still can’t get enough, I don’t know why, it’s just in me.

Toys aren’t only for girls. We like them too, GI Joe’s stuffs but definitely not barbies. I would someday like to have in my house a big wall with shelves filled with kick-ass toys from mcFarlanes, old movie posters, sports trophies of past winnings (ada ka? haha).
In general boys like sports, even the ‘kaki bangku’ would enjoy watching the world cup, or a couch potato can enjoy a game of basketball on tv. So don’t mind us, come world cup, turning into mindless zombies worshipping the tv (thank God for astro).

We like girls, especially the pretty ones. I’m not being shallow, it’s just the facts. The truth is we (boys and girls alike) love to look at beautiful things. Women above all else literally live by this very principle. Look at the local and foreign magazines, ads on tv, most are aimed at women. And surprise surprise who’s there on the cover? A very pretty girl in a pretty dress with a pretty make-up. Hey, I’m just pointing out the facts.

Most boys are not hypocrites. One can be more outspoken than the other but we practically have the same understanding. For example, me and a friend are sitting down somewhere and came pass us this hot-in-heels-head-turning-brunette. Our eyes seemed to be glued with her movement until she walked-off the corner. Now, for the outspoken me, I’d directly say to my friend ‘damn! What a smoking babe’. For the more introvert him, he’d give me a nod and a little grin. He will never say ‘I don’t think so’ and kept his real opinion from me. We are a very direct creature, regardless our state of personality.

I’m sure all of us have met with a situation where a bunch of people in a group would make noises and jokes and gave out big laughs in public. It’s ok for us boys to do it. To see a girl laugh, it’s a pretty sight, to see her laugh frantically in a loud voice in public, it’s horror and a definite turn off. You see, boys like girls simply because they are being girly. Let me put it in a simple statement, boys like girls for their femininity.

Through experience, more bitter than sweet, it has come to my knowledge and understanding, that men are as much as fragile as women. We may have built this exterior wall of confidence, arrogance, indifference and belittlement nature that is so deeply and perfectly embedded into our DNA and our sub consciousness so much so that we believe we are different from women, when truth be told we’re not, and the same can be said of women. Stop hating us for what we are, rough, direct, sweaty, and loud. Instead love us for what we can be, a poet, a dreamer or the occasional lover. till next time.

kau aku dan satu

dalam kalam yang kadangnya terang, kadangnya kabur
bibir ini sentiasa tersasul
dengan nista dan bacul

bicara tidak semestinya selari dengan niat
tangan yang luntur, badan yang kuat menggeliat
lalu inikah yang dipacak dengan nobat
yang hanya tau, besok baru bertaubat

seteguh mana kaki berdiri
manakan bisa di atas angin
robek tiga lapis sang hati
manakan bisa menolak ingin

aku kau satu
namun itu satu masa dulu
di masa bila kita bisa belajar menari dengan angin
menyanyi dengan rindu
berlari dengan sendu dan rayu
kau, peluk aku
tidurmu hanya satu
mimpimu hanya aku
tapi itu
itu satu masa dulu

14 julai 2010 (5.00 ptg)

Ini aku saja2 karang on the spot. tapi hati juga main peranan. bukan apa, manusia tanpa rasa dan hati, kan hanya robot tin kosong, tapi aku rasa aku ni separuh2, cyborg barangkali hahaha

Kenangan

Terkenang-kenang terkejut
siapa itu?
mari dekat padaku
tunjuklah mukamu

Ini aku, nafsu
oh! kau datang tidak tepat waktu
ini aku syahdu
ah! malam sunyi kernamu
ini aku pilu
cis! jangan dekat padaku

JADI APA MAU MU?
wajah yang bermain di kalbu
nyata kau bukan itu
pergilah jangan ganggu aku

TAPI DIA BUKAN MILIKMU
itu aku tau
dia mau begitu
hanya kenangan milikku

5 oktober 2002

Ini aku ingat2 lupa, tapi pasal perempuan juga la, masa KYS juga ni, dia pilih orang lain juga, aku steady rock la, last2 aku nampak dia sekarang sama lelaki cina, nda mau la aku menilai orang, pandai2 nya la hiup.

Semulia Bulan

Ramadan datang menjenguk
suara-suara hitam
tidak lagi kedengaran
angin sepoi-sepoi perlahan

Sahur menyapa aku dari belakang
senyumnya senyum indah
bangunlah isilah
ala kadar untuk bekal

Dingin air pagi
dingin lagi nafsuku

Damai hati ini
damai lagi puasaku

Ramadan menyeru
riang senyumlah
bukalah tanganmu, sambutlah salamku
diturunkan aku padamu
nikmat bulan semulia bulan

Nafsu pergi datang kembali
tutuplah pintu itu!
aku...bukan lagi hambamu

8 Disember 1999 (9.25pm)

Yang ini aku buat time ramadan 99, tangan terasa gatal, tulis2, keluar la yang ni. nda silap aku masa ini aku d shah alam, boring masa tu.

Mawar Larangan

Di mata mu ada tasik
Lemas aku di dalamnya

Di bibirmu ada kasih
Terbuai aku dengan sayangnya

Di hatimu ada cinta
Puas aku merasa madunya

Kasih kau umpama mawar kayangan
Mekar di taman larangan
Dilihat boleh disentuh jangan

Dirimu dilingkari duri-duri tajam
Andai ku genggam
Tumpah, darah-darah halangan
Ku relakan mengalir
Demi kasih
Walau tak kesampaian

1998

Hmmm yang ini aku kurang pasti untuk siapa, atau saja-saja. Pasal tahun 98 aku sedang belajar di ptpl ampang, mungkin awek lama dari sandakan, high school sweet heart la katakan. cinta yag tak kesampaian, baru2 ini aku balik sandakan kawan kawin, malam lepak di waterfront sandakan ka apa ka, sekali kedai tu ada pulak dia di situ, maka dengan gentleman nya aku pun pigi la bercerita tanya kabar apa patut. masih lawa, berdetup hatiku sekejap hahah tapi itu, kisah lama

Air Tenang Yang Kabut

Tenang air
Jangan disangka tiada buaya
Ayu wajah
Usah termakan oleh rautnya

Lautan dalam bolehku duga
Hatinya, siapa yang tahu?

Kailku panjang sejengkal
Dalam hatinya sehasta
Perutku kosong
Dapur tidak berasap
Laut tengkujuh
Laut gelora
Ku kail, ku kail juga

Diayun ombak, dialun nafsu
Dibuai belai senyummu

Berkurung merah, berselendang biru
Kau kah menanti hadir ku?

Pantai, pasirnya putih
Jeti kayunya usang
Putri seyummu menawan
Hadirmu satu kegembiraan
Syukurku hanya pada Tuhan

22 Mac 2002 (10.20 am)

Aku paparkan koleksi puisi ku dari awal ku berjinak dengan pena dan rasa, rambang tidak mengikut urutan masa, sewaal 15 tahun dahulu. Setiap puisi yang aku tulis, lucunya selalu mengambarkan situasi dan perasaan aku waktu itu, dan kebiasaanya kerana seorang perempuan haha. Puisi ini kalau tidak silap masa aku ambil diploma di KYS, aku 'jatuh suka' sama sorang perempuan ni, tapi jinak2 merpati, lepas dapat mau terbang pula, last2 aku biarkan terbang sama merpati lain hahaha

malam ini

malam ini,
seperti malam2 yang lain,
aku bertemankan sunyi

hari ini.
seperti hari2 yang lain,
aku berlagukan sepi

dan saat ini,
seperti saat2 yang lain,
aku butuhkan nadi