it has been a few years since i'm in a serious relationship. through these years i've met with a few lovable characters. they are a bunch of 'sight-for-sore-eyes-and-soul' kinda girls, but i cant get myself to commit. at first i thought it was them in particular, maybe there were something that i found in them that didnt tickle my fancy. i looked at them from a physical and emotional point of view. were there something wrong about their physical attractions, emotional expressions? but no, nothings wrong with them, it was me.
after a while, i started to look at me, and i found my answers. after being hurt so badly in two serious relationships, it left me with an emotional scar. i'm not truly a believer in post-traumatic after effects, not from a broken relationship that is. but i have to admit that is my problem right now. i cant bring myself to love and care for someone at a 80-100% capacity like i used to. i'm down at 20% or less and that scares me, i mean really bad. i dont think i can handle another break up from a serious relationship. and thats why i kept my distance, and not getting too attached from a possible girlfriend, and they hate me for it. (one girlfriend at one time mind you)
but i didnt do this to myself, i was betrayed and was hurt emotionally, and the worst thing is, i dont know how to solve it. till next time
