these past few years, i found myself still looking for something, and i cant seem to find it. how can i find this something when i dont even know what it is im looking for. it feels like im going back and forth and ended up at the same place again and again. i wish i knew what i'm looking for, then it would be easier, much more easier.
i am, in some aspects, a failure. i'm not a good man, not so much of a person, an even worse friend, a not so obedient son, and, i'm ashamed to say, not even a good Moslem. i've been down this path many times, i wish i could change but always find myself looking at the same person in the mirror, a failure.
but i'm lucky enough to have a postive mind and attitude, because as the saying goes, 'when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up'. the heart is a stupid-fragile thing. we can nurture it, comfort it, and to some extent, lie to it.
i pray to the Almighty to give me strength, for i have none, to give me comfort, for i'm in distress, to show me the way, for i am lost. Amin
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